I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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