i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
