So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
