maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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