Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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