my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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