i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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