This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
