I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
