Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize