The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
