I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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