Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
