I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
