What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
