He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
