i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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