I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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