i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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