she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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