Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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