I murdered the dance floor call the cops
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
