i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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