if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
