"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
