Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
