I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
