we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
