I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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