Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
