Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
