after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
