You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
