I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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