Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
