Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
