He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
