That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
