ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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