Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
