We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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