Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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