Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
