Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
