So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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