pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
