I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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