i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
