Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
