is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
