I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
