my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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