Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
