Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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