I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
