If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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