the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.