So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm passing your future prison.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.