Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
