Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.