No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
