We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
