Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
