I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
