the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I FOUND THE LEGS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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