Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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