very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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