Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
