Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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