I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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