her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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