I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
