so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
