I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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