Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
