I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
