On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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