i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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