What tipped you off? The sombrero?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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