I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Randomize
